Hello friends…its been a while from le chameleon…but I’ve been (per usual) quite busy. School has been intense (both wonderful and horrible simultaneously) and thus taking up much of my time as one would expect.
So much has happened I can’t even think of where to begin. I think though I’ll probably just start from the present and move on from there.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my blog and how I want to continue writing in it. I’ve been following more and more blogs myself (I’m a blog junkie) and I think there might be a major change about to happen in here. Since I started Memoirs I’ve used peoples names (mostly anyway), but I think that might change. Obviously, if you’ve followed this blog than you will know who I’m talking about by name even if I’m using their “code” name, but I think that adjustment should be pretty easy and painless for everyone involved.
The reason for this change? Well, I love sharing the who and what in my life through this site, but I as I get older I realize that perhaps other people I mention might not want to be mentioned. I follow Pioneer Woman from time to time and she refers to her man as Marlboro Man (he’s a legit cowboy – hot) and everyone else gets names accordingly. I have grown to love it…it’s almost more like a novel, while still being factual. Elizabeth Gilbert did it Eat Pray Love – giving everyone different names than their actual names to protect those in her book. I think as I’ve been focusing more on my writing, this is something I’d like to adopt as well.
Of course, I haven’t thought of nicknames for everyone yet so it’s possible some people will get letters, some actual names…who knows. Options are still open on that.
ANYway…that’s one major change. The other is that I think I’m in the market for a web designer. Of course, said web designer needs to be affordable which means I may not ever GET a web designer, but I REALLY want this page to be overhauled…I’ve got the design more or less worked out and just need a refined eye that knows coding to help me put it all together… If you are reading this and you think you might *fit the bill* or know someone that might, I’d love to hear from you!
In other news, I’m really jazzed about the work I have planned for this summer. ALL of it. The work on my living space, art, crafting, fitness/running, body/mind/soul, finances. Again, I have a fully loaded summer ahead of me, but I feel so great about it.
I’ve really gone through and rooted out the yucky people in my life and all the negative that I can I just feel great. I’ve gotten EVEN STRONGER lately about defending myself and my people and its been a bit surprising for me. I think a little (a lot) of that sweetness has worn away and I’m even more a traditional sagittarius than I was before. I don’t speak before thinking it through, but I’m not as flowery with my words – I’ve become much more direct. This has thrown a few people in my life, but ultimately, it seems to be going well…it has been freeing in a sense.
I fear, however, should I ever get into a relationship again (which I imagine won’t be happening for a LOOOOONG long time to come yet) that he or she, whom ever the poor bastard turns out to be, will really be in for it. No…not really, but in comparison to how I used to be and how I feel I’ve become…yeah. I’ve become fiercely independent (which has forced me to better accept and identify with the feminist side of me I had tried to ignore) and I REALLY NEED and WANT my own personal space. While its nice to spend time with someone special, I also don’t like sharing my bed anymore with anyone other than my fur balls of love. WHEN and HOW did that happen? I’m not sure. But DAMN, do I mean it.
Of course if my girl H-NYC wanted to spoon me that would be great…but she’s getting married and clearly isn’t trying to be anything other than my best friend. So I guess there are exceptions.
Anyway…back to me being this independent woman. It.is.weird. I ate at this new restaurant the other night, by myself. I had a book with me to read. I got some strange looks as I entered and sat down by myself. It was the first time I noticed that, but maybe it was because it was a slightly swanky place. Anyway, the waiter was a peach. He gave me a few things “on the house for such a pretty lady” which was very nice, but I almost think he did it because he felt bad for me for flying solo. I didn’t feel bad at all – I felt awesome. I loved it. I loved ordering whatever the hell I wanted to. I loved eating at MY OWN PACE and then knowing I was going to leave the restaurant and do my own thing. It really was nice. I didn’t feel alone (I haven’t felt alone for a while now, thankfully) and after a while the older ladies with their husbands stopped looking at me while whispering to one another. Ha ha…silly older ladies.
I always had imagined my life would be about me and my partner. Now I wanna say “fuck that” to everyone. I don’t want to compromise anymore. I like doing my own thing, working around my OWN schedule. Oh…that housewife Devin has died. The newer Devin runs in the opposite direction the moment someones flirting with me turns from more than flirting to interest. The moment I recognize that switch I am out the door.
THAT is a new one. A few weeks/months back I thought that I missed having a partner who would be there for me in happy or sad times. Then I remembered that you can’t depend on anyone other than yourself. I don’t bail on myself. I’m always here. Suddenly I wasn’t thinking about a partner anymore…
It’s also new to me that I get annoyed with girls that are just SO DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION that they can NOT be on their own. There are guys like that as well, and they annoy me as equally. I wanna say to these people – FUCKING LOVE YOURSELF AND FUCK EVERYONE ELSE…they will probably be more of a pain in your ass than helpful. YOU CAN HAVE FUN ON YOUR OWN! But when I do say this to people, they say I don’t understand what it’s like to be alone.
I don’t? Uh…having been in solid (mostly) serious relationships from the age of 16 to 28, I think I DO know what it feels like to suddenly be ALONE thank you very much. Whatever, they can think what they want and they can worry about silly relationships if they want to as well. Whatever makes them happy I guess.
Right now, being single and flying solo makes me happy. I guess I’m also extremely lucky to have my besties who love and support me and spend time with me. Boy…I’m really ranting tonight aren’t I? HA HA…the thing is I’ve got a huge ass smile on my face and I genuinely feel great. Some seriously weird shit has been happening lately and you know, it hasn’t gotten me down, I feel great. I guess I’m just starting to really understand my own strength and power and ability.
Oh…this summer…it is going to be GREAT! I smile just thinking about it. I’m going to be running more, yoga once a week, biking to work from time to time, beach volleyball with my team the Dune Dawgs, art making, spending tons of time in my studio creating and playing – working on my “body of work” heh heh, dance class, writing, organizing, financial planning, playing with my kitties, taking Trigger to the beach, camping, reading, knitting, sewing…seriously, does it get ANY better than that?
I can think of ONE thing missing…hee hee hee…you know what it might be. That is the ONE THING I miss about having a mate, the actual mating part. Ah…I remind myself that all in due time…these days you just can’t be reckless…you can’t just sleep around because there are all kinds of terrible diseases out there and I take my health SERIOUSLY. So…I am missing out on one bit of fun…for now…but I think I’m busy enough with all the OTHER fun I’ll be having. 
Well…I’m sitting in The Common Cup and they are closing up shop. I should head back home and continue procrastinating in a productive manner by throwing some shit out of my apartment. Slowly, this summer, I plan on reducing my amount of stuff by at LEAST 1/3. I’d like to cut it down by 50% (excluding art supplies), but I’m aiming for realistic levels and then going from there.
WELL…off and away I go. Sorry for being absent for so long. I’ve been thinking and working a doing a lot which left little time for blogging. There are only two more weeks left to school, so I imagine that in two weeks time, I’ll have a lot more to blog about.
Cheers mates! Stay happy, healthy and Zombie free!
Devin
ps- thanks for stopping by and reading my little bits o’ silliness…
