Ever have those moments when everything around you is chaos and turmoil and it’s all swirling around your head in slow motion, trying to creep in on you and bring you down, or at least seriously freak you out? Well, it seems that sort of thing is happening to me a lot these days. To EVERYONE these days, right?
People are loosing their jobs left and right, or are unable to find them to begin with! Everyone is having big time financial struggles (my bank account just shocked the sh*t out of me yesterday when something posted to my account I wasn’t expecting and BAM, where did all my money go?! – suck)! School is just KILLING ME slowly and painfully, and I think some of my teachers are enjoying watching this painful death process (maybe they aren’t, who knows really…). My kitty and what ever it is that ails her…all these things add up and take their toll. It’s very hard in times like these to stay focused and more importantly, positive.
I fight to remain positive every day. I think these days I’ve been luckier than previous days in the positive arena. There are definite reasons for that, but perhaps we’ll get to them later… One thing I do to remain positive is think about all of my role models…all of the people I look up to, the people I respect and those people that I think really handle stress and difficult times not only well, but the way I think I’d like to see myself handling it all.
I think Ree Drummond, author of one of my favorite blogs (The Pioneer Woman) and (bound to be) favorite cookbooks is one of those people. Tonight I went to her cookbook signing (which is a New York Times No. 1 best seller by the by) and was just in awe at how amazingly down to earth she is. This woman is smart, beautiful, talented, genuine, real and approachable. She’s also married to perhaps one of the most dashingly handsome men I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet – true story. She appears to have it all, a truly charmed life. But let’s be real, she isn’t going to really write about all the BAD stuff, which, being that she’s human and all, I’m SURE she experiences as well. Somehow, she always shares stories that enlighten and lift the spirits. She makes us laugh, she makes us tear up (but in a good way) and she always tells us what’s in her heart. No phony lies or anything, just what she’s thinking about. If you don’t believe me, have a look at her blog (I encourage you to do so anyway…)
When she was doing the Q&A portion of the book signing, she was just SO REAL. Someone asked her about her seemingly charmed life and marriage – if it was the perfect marriage. She responded, “There is no perfect marriage, but my husband is perfect for me…”. She went on to say how she just tries to focus on all the good things and treasure that in her partnership, and apparently he does the same. And ya know, it seems pretty obvious, but we don’t always do that do we? I think one thing she really highlighted for me was that not only is she thankful for all that she has, but she lets those in her life KNOW that she is thankful for them, and everything else.
I don’t think I do that enough. I’m going to work on that.
Anyway…she’s great and hearing her talk in real life was an awesome experience. I feel full of joy, excitement and encouragement to really go out there and make my dreams happen (which is what she did…really, you should read her story!!!)
Sooo…I picked up a few books tonight. Yes, I got one for myself. It’s a goodie already, can’t wait to try out the recipes in there!!! I also shared with her a snippet about my girlie B who couldn’t be there tonight. B introduced me to Pioneer Woman (thanks friend!). I also got to meet the Marlboro Man. Oh. My. Goodness.
Clearly I had seen photos of this man on her blog, but photos do his eyes no justice. They are as blue as the big skies down south. Wow. And you know what? You can just SEE this man is a GOOD MAN. What an INCREDIBLY attractive couple. Seriously. I strive to have a partnership like theirs (I’m not talking physical looks-wise, I’m talking about the real stuff)…one of mutual respect, generosity, forgiveness, understanding, honesty, laughter and love. Booya! These people are a great example of harmony in a partnership. And both were equally friendly and sincere. He even signed all my books under a picture that Ree had taken of him and put in the cookbook – super super cool.
The whole experience was great. My sis came with me to the signing (she was a newbie to this sort of thing) and I met some lovely people while waiting for it all to begin. It was neat to hear the stories of how people found Ree and where they had come from. Very cool. I had forgotten my camera (shame on me!) and Meg forgot hers so I relied on the kindness of two strangers to take my pictures with Ree and send me the files through email. I think I’ll be getting them in a couple days, at which point I’ll share them here. WOO HOO!
K…so enough about Ree, let’s talk about blogging…why do I do it?
I do it because I love to. In my mind, I believe that is reason enough. I do it because it’s a way for me to share thoughts and experiences with people I know (and more that I don’t) that I would otherwise be unable to easily share. It’s a journal for the world to potentially see, and why that scares me a bit (thus me leaving out the very deep personal stuff a lot of the time) it also helps keep ME real. Word.
So I blog because I love to, I blog because I can and I blog because I know that there are at least a couple of you out there that read this and so this is also for you. You all keep me posting, and posting helps to remind me of how lucky I am and being reminded of that keeps me smiling. Thank you for that, by the way. YOU are 50% of the reason why I’m on here!!
Blogging is such a strange thing. It can be as personal or as sterile as the author chooses to make it. We can be as honest or deceitful as we choose to be. For me, I’ve chosen to really try and document things the way I’ve seen and felt them. I try to tell the story as honestly as I can. And I think I share a LOT of the story…with the exception of the “romantic relationships” part.
Why everything else and not that? Well, ya know, if you look back to the beginning of this blog, I definitely talk about a certain someone who is very certainly NOT a someone in my life anymore…and it’s kind of embarrassing to think about how I just put it all out there for the world to know, and then it just blew up in my face. Such a *young* thing to do. I quickly learned from that mistake – not to name specifics like that again, ever! Or at least that was my initial response. But then I made an amendment; once I’m married, I can talk about the significant other, till then, bite my tongue.
Well, clearly I can’t COMPLETELY bite my tongue…I’ve definitely alluded from time to time about there being SOMEONE…when there was someone…if there was someone. Recently and for a while, there was a lot of NO ONES, NO WAYS, NO HOWS! I didn’t want anything to do with a romantic relationships and I just kinda wanted to be a hermit. I spent a lot of time being VERY selfish and really focusing on me and making MY life better – solo.
Best thing I could have done. I’m so much better off NOW than I was even 7 months ago. I can tell you, I am honestly happy. I am just as happy with myself as I used to be when I was in a relationship. In fact, that’s wrong, I’m HAPPIER than I was back in the day, especially the past most recent years. I love my life. I love my friends. I love who I am becoming and I love this feeling of love. Self supplied, self regulated and self controlled. AWESOME!!
I feel like such a lucky girl spiritually, and also in the world of relationships. I’m surrounded by incredible people. I’m inspired daily by my friends and family. And lately I’ve had the good fortune to spend some time with a person that has really taught me a lot about what it’s like to be around someone you really can trust.
Boys and girls, men and women, gentlemen and ladies – this IS the key; trust. At least it’s one of the keys. I think communication is key too. And laughter. And respect. And love.
I feel like I’ve got a few of those keys on my ring right now. And it feels good. It feels solid…
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know what today brought me. I met a couple that I admire, a women I strive to be more like, a family like one I hope to be a part of someday, a warm hug, a genuine heart flutter, a twinkle in my eye, some much needed messages from rogue friends who had gone M.I.A., time with my younger sister, time for self reflection, an unexpected and utterly undeniable act of sweetness, a necessary reminder, a box of goodies in the mail, a signed book from an author I love, some sunshine, another day with Sasha and so much more.
When I think about all the little things, I feel like the most blessed individual in the world. And ya know, I’ve got MAJOR issues in my world too…but instead of focusing on that which I have little control, I’m focusing on all the positives that keep me motivated to create change and possibility in my world. I’m focusing on love. I’m focusing on laughter. I’m focusing on blogging and sharing this journey. I’m focusing on you, and I’m focusing on me. The sh*t will continue to hit the fan, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be armored with an umbrella of positive thinking mixed with a little hope right? Right!
Thank you all for sticking by me in my hiatis from this blog. Thank you for sharing my journey. Thank you for listening to me journal, rant and praise. Like I said, you are half he reason why I do this…you help me do something I love. 
I hope your world is full of wonder and joy. And even if times seem impossibly difficult for you right now, I encourage you to try to find that one glimmer of light, whatever that may be. You know it’s gotta be there somewhere – create the change in your happiness by finding what that little glimmer is and focusing on it till you come across another.
WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER!!! “Just keep swimming…”
Love and hugs (all hippie like and everything!)
Devin
Ree Drummond (The Pioneer Woman) and me. I'm telling the poor woman a story, what a surprise, right?
Whataya Want From Me?
Tuesday, April 13th, 2010 5:56 pmA few things:
Anyway…thesis…yeah…that motha fucka of a project is FINALLY coming to fruition. Tomorrow the mag is OUT OF MY HANDS and I move onto other finer details of the installation space. Big space to fill…down some items I was going to use to fill it, what’s a gal to do? Speaking of install…who wants to help me install this weekend? Saturday? Sunday? Anyone? Someone? Hit me with a message if you’re available cause I could really use the help! THANK YOU!
Details on the thesis show will be posted tomorrow most likely…when I actually make my promo postcard. Ha, so behind on that…oops! Maybe it’s because I WASN’T SURE I WAS GRADUATING THIS FREAKING YEAR…ugh…loooooong story that ya’ll can expect to see the light of day in some creative way in the damn f’ing near future. Oh man…the characters I’ve met these past few years…yes, I will NOT go easy on you jerk faces. Not. One. BIT! I’ll show you the same “curusies” you’ve shown me.
Ah…sweetness.
I know I sound grumpy, and I kinda am, I’m burned, I’m soured, and I’m plain tired from only getting about 2 hours of sleep each night these past few days. But truthfully, I’m excited about my project and where it’s taking me and where it’s going especially when I’m free of the bondage that has been grad school and the hierarchy that exists in before mentioned institution. THANK GOD FOR FREEDOM! So yeah…it’s all good, especially once I walk across that stage and get my diploma and drink my sorrows away while dancing and laughing and chatting it up with my friends. YEP! GOOD TIMES ARE AROUND THE CORNER…I can almost taste them!
Anyway…for your viewing pleasure; feast your eyes on the oddly feminine looking Lambert and his deliciously anxty song. This is dedicated to all the people in my program who clearly were not listening to what I said I was aiming to do and going to do when I initially pitched my thesis project. To you I ask, whataya want from me followed with a timeless, SUCK IT NERDS!
Thank you.
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